Dhammakaya Movement

[louialive]

Kuru

Sounds like you are really going through things at the moment.

These organisations are very skilled in what they do, manipulating people and controlling people. Was your wife a regular donator to temples before you knew her, has her life changed dramatically from when she first got involved to now?

When I have spoken to people in similair situations from other religions I point out that if you have to buy your favours then can this really be god?

Surely the giver be it God/Budhha etc is one who is giving unconditionally and cannot be bought.

How does she react when you discuss your feelings about this organisation, does she get aggressive or can you discuss it reasonably.

If she get aggressive/adjetated then she is very much drawn in if she is civalised then you need to act fast to make her see what you feel. As you are her husband she should respect your viewpoint (just as you do hers). Try and find people anywhere who have been involved but then left due to the practices of the organisation.

The other thing you could do is plan days away or weekend trips away to distract her from going. Assuming she is going weekends and you are not working. If you are working and you want to get her away from this organisation then you are going to have to make some sacrifices with your time.

This sort of situation can have the same effect on a couple as someone who has a drink or gambling problem.

Hope you find a solution as you seem very concerned.

[kuru]

Hi Louialive,

When she we meet I don't think but before she come to UK out of the blue one day she told me she wanted to go to a temple for a week in Chiang mai. When we meet she never had enough money to give a way. It kind of started slowly but now it is not that giving money worry that much as lately we don't have much to give anyway. It her time and her believe that Meditation will solve all problems I mean all.

There is no way to talk about this First thing "you don't understand" or You don't Meditate so I don't want try a new skill to get a job. I know how to look after my life.
The reason to come out is to see if anyone out there had similar experience so far I am the unlucky one. We try to go away but even when we plan holiday she wanted to come back special days. The special days are every other week.

May be if I become so desperate then I will hire someone to go undercover as a New follower. I hope it will never come to that.

Kuru

[Marcus]

It her time and her believe that Meditation will solve all problems I mean all.

Hello again Kuru,

So the problem isn't so much the money? It's more the time? She goes to the temple every other week? And she makes sweets? And she likes to meditate?

You know, many would say that given this acount - you don't have a problem! I mean, she doesn't gamble, drink, or sleep around? She makes sweets for the temple!

Okay, I'm stretching things a bit if what actually happens is that she gives more than your family can afford, but you know, how much does she actually give? More than she'd spend otherwise on some other interest?

Perhaps so, perhaps you really do have a problem. But it's good to see things from the other side, and from your wife's point of view.

It also seems you think the temple is diverting her from other things, like being a maths teacher. But becoming a teacher in the UK is tough, even if she taught in Thailand. Her qualifications probably aren't recognised. But perhaps she could find work as a teaching assistant to start with? Does the temple stop her doing that?

And how much time does she actually meditate? And hour a day? An hour twice a day? If so, that'd be perfectly normal for a committed meditator. And, dare I say, there's nothing wrong with that at all.

This post isn't meant to cause an argument or upset, just to pose some questions to help see things from the other side.

I wish you all the best,

[kuru]

Hi Marcus,

When I said money is not the issue only I wouldn't agree but she always ask. I don't want to tell her no all the time. I know other side of the fence always greener. She meditate two or three hours a day then on their DMC web site. It may seem I am picking on her but when someone say "I get everything I want from meditation".

What I believe is now she loosing her self confidence. She thinks her meditation is the reason I get a good job or not. That worries me more than anything because if I believed her stories I will be Brainwashed into believing that I don't need to train myself to get my next contract.

[wannafreeze]

Dear kuru,
I read your story very carefully and it was very interesting i have to say. specially because i live about 10 car distance from dhammakaya temple. i have visited them once because i thought it was a buddhist temple. i was born to a buddhist family and as far as i know everyone in my family history has always been a buddhist.

from what i've learnt and i know buddhist way of life is simple. it's all about be happy with what you have. since childhood i know for a fact buddhist monks never ask for anything material including food. most time the people living around the temple take turns to cook and bring food to the temple and in return the monks bless them and their family and wish for their prosperity. when no one has delivered any food to the temple, the monks walk around the area with their bowls and go from house to house. they do not knock on the doors nor ring door bells. they stand infront of the house wait for about 30 seconds and if no one notices they simply walk away. some monks do not even wear any flip flops and are dressed in torn robes. it's only when people donate robes or foot wear that they use them but they don't go purchasing things for themselves with money.

but here we're in europe. where every detail in life is meassured by money. i'm not expecting the buddhist monks to walk around during winter from house to house for food or their clothes. but i belive that in true buddhism monks do not ask for things. it's people like me who're buddhist that feel it's the right thing to do by making sure the monks who're the preachers of our religion are well looked after.

I'm not going to judge the teaching of Dhammakaya simply because i haven't had a direct experience with them. but one thing i will tell you is that too much of anything is not good as it turn to an addiction. none of the religions are bad. unless people use them to their own advantage. i belive that any religion is suppose to bring families together and not bring them apart by causing problems as in your case.

I think you need to take firm steps and seriously look into your wife's activities to understand what's going on. but by telling her anything bad about what she belives in will make her start hating you instead. therefor i think you need to use her own belives to rescue her and make her realize the truth. if you can afford it save some money up and take your wife for her birthday to tibet where she can get a hands on experience of true buddhist way of life and get a monk to advise her and teach her. if else try and find a buddhist temple not related to dhammkaya if you feel uncomfortable with their teaching. but note that the ways there's christian and catholics there are few different types of buddhism as well. they're theravada, mahayana and vajrayana.

if i were to recommend any books to read, i'd recommend any book that speaks of the Tripitaka (it's almost the same as the bible for christians or catholics)

eg:

anyway all i have written above is just my opinion and is not intended to offend or judge anything or anyone.

thanx
Sash

[Vinny]

Thanks Marcus. We are based in Medway,Kent and we have been to Wimbledon. Last few years we been moving about because I am a IT Contractor. So this doesn't help us establishing good friends we make friends but last few years London and Kent been too close to Woking(DMC). She also pick fault on if they are not from DMC group.

She could also visit Ajahn Chah's monasteries.

[Vinny]

She also pick fault on if they are not from DMC group.

When everyone thinks the same, no one thinks at all.